Sunday, 7 February 2010
Wednesday, 21 October 2009
Facebook Up To Your Stupidity
When you 'friend' your boss on Facebook, remember that you 'friended' your boss on Facebook ...
Friday, 18 September 2009
Better Than Izzard
Eddie Izzard's marathon of Marathons is truly impressive but not as impressive as this guy ...
Wednesday, 26 August 2009
Wednesday, 5 August 2009
Rotational Confusion
While collecting a pizza from a well-known high street pizza company, I witnessed a disgruntled customer walking in and slamming his pizza box on the counter.
Employee: Hello sir, how can I help you?
Customer: You got my pizza wrong, I ordered half pepperoni and half sausage.
Employee (having opened the box): It looks fine to me, sir. What’s wrong with it?
Customer: I ordered the pepperoni on the LEFT side!
4 August 2009
Employee: Hello sir, how can I help you?
Customer: You got my pizza wrong, I ordered half pepperoni and half sausage.
Employee (having opened the box): It looks fine to me, sir. What’s wrong with it?
Customer: I ordered the pepperoni on the LEFT side!
4 August 2009
Tuesday, 21 July 2009
Friday, 22 May 2009
Thursday, 7 May 2009
Gordon Is ...
Well, it's just too tempting to say "... a moron" and there's plenty of evidence to suggest just that. However, the internet always provides us with some refreshing options.
Google recently introduced “predictive search” based upon that which most other people have previously searched. I'm sure you will have noticed that when you start entering a search in to Google, a few suggestions pop up as you type. Well, if you type "gordon brown is", this is what you get ... no camera tricks, no chicanery, no sleight of hand, try it for yoursleves.
Google recently introduced “predictive search” based upon that which most other people have previously searched. I'm sure you will have noticed that when you start entering a search in to Google, a few suggestions pop up as you type. Well, if you type "gordon brown is", this is what you get ... no camera tricks, no chicanery, no sleight of hand, try it for yoursleves.
Wednesday, 6 May 2009
Dear Editor
A small collection of snippets from letters apparently sent in to various newspapers ...
The person who coined the phrase "as different as chalk and cheese" obviously hadn't tasted Kwik Save's cheddar. J Sampson, Southampton.
If Eastenders is so true to life, how come none of the loveable Cockney characters are Man Utd supporters? P Sullivan, Birkenhead.
They say football is a game of two halves. Not for me it isn't. I regularly down eight or nine pints whilst watching a live game on Sky TV in my local. D Evans, London.
If smoking is bad for you, how come it cures Salmon? V Stalker, Bournemouth.
Why does Frank Bruno get a gong just because he's good at hitting people? I'm brilliant at it but the most I've ever got is 200 hours community service. A Woodward, Sheffield.
They say good manners cost you nothing. Rubbish, I sent my daughter to finishing school and it cost me twenty grand. J Morgan, Wigan.
If, as Freddie Mercury claimed, fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round, isn't it about time that the city of Derby received some recognition for its contribution to astrophysics? N Sedgwick, Nottingham.
In the 20th Century, Britain only made war with countries whose capital cities began with the letter 'B' - Germany (Berlin), Argentina (Buenos Aires), Iraq (Baghdad), and Serbia (Belgrade). China changed the name of Peking to Beijing and we bombed their embassy. One hopes we will show a little more imagination in this century. M Harwood, Bradford.
These so-called speed bumps are a joke. If anything, they slow you down. T Wakefield, Surrey.
Now I've been going out with my girlfriend for some time, it seems OK when I break wind in bed. It's when I follow through that the petty arguments begin. I will never understand women. C Mapply, Carshalton.
We should remember the tremendous contribution of the Queen Mother to the war effort: as the BBC pointed out, she "bravely remained in London beside her husband" during the war. This contrasts sharply with the actions of my grandfather who, on the declaration of war immediately left his wife and children and first for France, then North Africa, Italy, France (again) and finally Germany. The shame will always be with us. G Nisbet, London.
Like the Queen Mum, my grandfather was a frequent visitor to the East End during the dark days of the blitz, but he was never hailed as a hero by the people of London, maybe because he flew Heinkel bombers for the Luftwaffe. W Hoffman, Munich.
Davina McCall says that dangling off a helicopter over the Grand Canyon on a 700 foot bungee rope was the most terrifying and dangerous thing she has ever done. She must be forgetting that she went out with Stan Collymore. M Duckworth, Poole.
So Sting is able to shag his wife for five hours without going off. I know how he feels. My wife is no oil painting either. J Leonard, Hull.
To call Dr Harold Shipman 'Britain's worst serial killer' is utter nonsense. With more confirmed kills to his name than any other UK-based murderer, surely Dr. Shipman is 'Britain's best serial killer'. Colin Stagg, who was arrested in connection with one killing and turned out not to have done it in the first place, would qualify as the country's 'Worst Mass Murderer'. D King, Balham.
I heard recently that, on average, Alex Ferguson receives two turds in the post each week. What I want to know is, who's sending the other one? K Libretto, Welling.
The person who coined the phrase "as different as chalk and cheese" obviously hadn't tasted Kwik Save's cheddar. J Sampson, Southampton.
If Eastenders is so true to life, how come none of the loveable Cockney characters are Man Utd supporters? P Sullivan, Birkenhead.
They say football is a game of two halves. Not for me it isn't. I regularly down eight or nine pints whilst watching a live game on Sky TV in my local. D Evans, London.
If smoking is bad for you, how come it cures Salmon? V Stalker, Bournemouth.
Why does Frank Bruno get a gong just because he's good at hitting people? I'm brilliant at it but the most I've ever got is 200 hours community service. A Woodward, Sheffield.
They say good manners cost you nothing. Rubbish, I sent my daughter to finishing school and it cost me twenty grand. J Morgan, Wigan.
If, as Freddie Mercury claimed, fat bottomed girls make the rocking world go round, isn't it about time that the city of Derby received some recognition for its contribution to astrophysics? N Sedgwick, Nottingham.
In the 20th Century, Britain only made war with countries whose capital cities began with the letter 'B' - Germany (Berlin), Argentina (Buenos Aires), Iraq (Baghdad), and Serbia (Belgrade). China changed the name of Peking to Beijing and we bombed their embassy. One hopes we will show a little more imagination in this century. M Harwood, Bradford.
These so-called speed bumps are a joke. If anything, they slow you down. T Wakefield, Surrey.
Now I've been going out with my girlfriend for some time, it seems OK when I break wind in bed. It's when I follow through that the petty arguments begin. I will never understand women. C Mapply, Carshalton.
We should remember the tremendous contribution of the Queen Mother to the war effort: as the BBC pointed out, she "bravely remained in London beside her husband" during the war. This contrasts sharply with the actions of my grandfather who, on the declaration of war immediately left his wife and children and first for France, then North Africa, Italy, France (again) and finally Germany. The shame will always be with us. G Nisbet, London.
Like the Queen Mum, my grandfather was a frequent visitor to the East End during the dark days of the blitz, but he was never hailed as a hero by the people of London, maybe because he flew Heinkel bombers for the Luftwaffe. W Hoffman, Munich.
Davina McCall says that dangling off a helicopter over the Grand Canyon on a 700 foot bungee rope was the most terrifying and dangerous thing she has ever done. She must be forgetting that she went out with Stan Collymore. M Duckworth, Poole.
So Sting is able to shag his wife for five hours without going off. I know how he feels. My wife is no oil painting either. J Leonard, Hull.
To call Dr Harold Shipman 'Britain's worst serial killer' is utter nonsense. With more confirmed kills to his name than any other UK-based murderer, surely Dr. Shipman is 'Britain's best serial killer'. Colin Stagg, who was arrested in connection with one killing and turned out not to have done it in the first place, would qualify as the country's 'Worst Mass Murderer'. D King, Balham.
I heard recently that, on average, Alex Ferguson receives two turds in the post each week. What I want to know is, who's sending the other one? K Libretto, Welling.
Monday, 4 May 2009
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